I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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