This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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