Where did you get a picture of my penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
