she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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