Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
