Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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