Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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