last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
