Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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