he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
