I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
