Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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