He told me they were just razor bumps!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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