You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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