Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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