So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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