Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
