All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
