Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
