Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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