The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
