I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
