OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I skipped work to stalk him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
