Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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