My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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