he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
