..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
