I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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