Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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