Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
