I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
