Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
