apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my poor anus
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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