you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
