Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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