I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
