Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
