Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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