You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
