Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
