thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
