god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize