hotel room ftw
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is the high leading the old right now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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