I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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