there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
