If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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