dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
