hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
