I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
