you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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