I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
