Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
