She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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