its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
