I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
