physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
