I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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