Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This baby is an asshole
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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