If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
