come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
