She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
