So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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