I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
