i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
