I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
