Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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