I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
