so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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