we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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