Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
