This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
