She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
