If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
