i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
