It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
