He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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